


Lovey-Dovey Heist

by Chronyxx



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: BH is a grumpy eldritch abomination that hates love and joy, Demencia is your errand runner, F/F, F/M, Flug and 5.0.5 are the only ones here with common sense, Reader-Insert, Romance, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Special, look i don't make the rules i just write the fanfic, reader has no specified gender, yet he loves you so how does that work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 03:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13650252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronyxx/pseuds/Chronyxx
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, and love is in the air! At least, everywhere outside of Black Hat Org., where anything remotely related to the holiday will not be tolerated by the heartless eldritch in charge. However, you decide to disobey him and celebrate anyway.





	Lovey-Dovey Heist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JustKeepWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustKeepWriting/gifts).



> I may be three days early, but I really don't care.

It was that day again. The one day that happens every single year on the exact same date, in the exact same month, where humans can gush over their mates and stuff themselves silly with sugary substances, completely guilt-free in the spirit of the so-called “ _ holiday _ .” And all the while, they spread the disgusting message of the event like the plague, with public displays of affection.

From embraces, to kisses, to--  _ bah!  _ It was too revolting to even think about! And then there were the date-nights and proposals of marriage - the former often leading up to the latter. It was a ridiculous concept, really, the binding of their pathetic lives in eternal ardor for one another, and signified with accessories truly worth nothing in the grand scheme of things, except for sentimental value and the thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on an overpriced, useless piece of jewelry. 

Yes, it was indeed that repulsive day again…

The  _ love _ day.

This wouldn’t have been such a terrible thing for the eldritch, as it was customary to abolish any and all things associated with the sickening holiday from entering the walls of his manor. Anything possibly smuggled in was eventually found or turned over, and promptly annihilated from existence. This was done by himself personally. He simply _ reveled _ in watching that blasted bear’s sorrow and grief as he disintegrated the stashed piles of sugar-filled, heart-shaped sweets in front of his very eyes.  

The only thing that truly grated on the dark spectre’s nerves was that Demencia’s obsession over him when into overdrive during the day. He recalled one Valentine’s Day a few years back, when she had bought herself a wedding gown and clawed outside his office door for hours without end, professing her love for him the entire time and trapping him inside. After that incident, Demencia was to be shackled and sealed away in her room for the entirety of the holiday. 

This wasn’t awful for him either. An entire day without being accosted by Demencia, and even a performance of suffering from the creature he despised the most in this miserable world! It would have been wonderful celebration of misery and despair! 

It would have been great!

If it wasn’t for you.

“But Black Hat!” You cried, your lower body resting in the visitor’s chair while your upper body leaned over the villain’s desk. “It’s  _ Valentine’s Day _ , for crying out loud! Don’t you want to do something for it? We can have a nice dinner, it doesn’t even have to be themed!”

He shot you a harsh glare, with a look in his eye that could have impaled you on it, yet you remained unwavering.

“(Name), for the  _ last _ time,” he growled, voice becoming distorted as he seethed in his chair. “Absolutely not. This disgusting day or any affiliations with it have no place in this house, so I highly suggest you get rid of whatever ideas you have stored away in that head of yours and cease your damn whining already!”

“But--”

“What did I just say? The answer is still and always will be  _ no.  _ Discussion over. Now, either you can shut your bloody mouth and stay with me, or you can take your squawking somewhere else. The choice is yours.” 

Realizing any further argument would fall on deaf ears, and most likely end with your rump being used as a target for kicking practice - with the goalline being straight out the door - you decided to call it quits. There really was no swaying him once his mind was set, and it appeared not even you, his lover, could change his mind. 

You let out a defeated sigh, lifting your body from its leaned over position across the desk, and moved your chair so it was next to his. Black Hat huffed in satisfaction, flashing both rows of mint-green, jagged canines in a wide, victorious grin. This argument now just another battle to add under his belt - one more coal to stoke the fire of pompous arrogance that was his ego. 

A wayward tendrel manifested beside you, wrapping around your waist and coaxing you closer to him. Grumbling under your breath, you begrudgingly complied, leaning against his side and resting your head on his shoulder. 

Not a word escaped the eldritch horror in response, and it seemed the two of you had come to a nonverbal agreement, allowing the lofty chamber to fall into a comfortable silence, like the calm after a storm. Black Hat returned to his paperwork, taking up a pen to begin signing the mountain of business deals and subsidiary contracts lying on his desk, while his other hand snaked around your side in an attempt to restrain you, should you decide to up and leave after your disagreement.

He knows you’re still upset with him, yet his conceited nature demands he never see himself on wrong end of an argument. He would never apologize for his behavior; he never has, and he never will. That much was clear as day. 

While the only chance of ever hearing anything close to an apology come out of his mouth would be in a dream, there was still a way to get back at him. If there was one thing either of you knew well, it was vengeance. 

In the back of your mind, there was already a dark plot brewing, bubbling like a thick cauldron of wickedness and treachery. A smile tugged at your lips, and the effort it took to contain a devious snicker from escaping you was immense.

“Dear, the evil intentions radiating off of you are almost palpable. Care to share with me the wicked thoughts fermenting in that devilish mind of yours?” 

Oh, shoot - he’s already catching on to your plans. Think, (Name), think!

“Uh, no can do,” you said after a few moments of contemplating an excuse. “Flug’s almost got your evil-level figured out and I don’t think he’d appreciate another spike in your evilness.” 

He entertained your words, a deep scowl of scrutiny carved into his ashen features. You swallowed hard, making a silent prayer to whatever demon overlord watching over you that he’d push no further. After what felt like an eternity, he seemed to finally come to a verdict, the glowering expression on his face morphing into a fiendish smirk. 

“Hmph, very well, but do be wary. The sinful vibes oozing from you - I can practically taste them, and trust me, they are such  _ sweet _ little morsels. What a lovely addition they’d be to my palate.”

A long string of acid-green drool slipped from his mouth, the viscous fluid slowly trailing down his chin as he eyed you, his gaze burning a hole through you - though thankfully in the metaphorical sense this time around. A deep, predatorial growl rumbled from his chest, and the arm clutching your waist tightened its grasp. 

The hard, cold block of dread that had previously welled up in your gut was dispelled and immediately replaced with another type of fear. Whether he actually found your… evilness to be intoxicating, or if he just liked creeping you out, you really didn’t care which one was the case. It made you plain uncomfortable, and you wanted it to stop right away. 

“Nope! No way, mister! No creepy evil-eating or whatever you do!” You protested, trying to fight off the arm around your side. However, your struggling was only met with the conjuring of several more tendrils, and they began poking feverishly at your skin, lightly dancing across the exposed flesh of your arms and neck. 

Black Hat raised a brow at that, yet he remained as amused as ever. 

“Funny, no one has _ ever _ dared to deny me anything.”

“Well, I’m a firm believer in always trying new things. See, you’re already expanding your horizons - you got told no. Now, quit it. Discussion over.”

Your mockery of his earlier statement seemed to have struck a chord, as his grasp on you loosened, and the manifested tendrils dissipated, blowing away like billowing smoke.

“You know, you’re very fortunate, my dear (Name). If I hadn’t favored you as much as I do, I wouldn’t have hesitated to skin you alive and turn your flesh into leather on the spot.”  

“Geez,  _ harsh _ . Y’know you can just say “I love you,” though, right? It’s not that hard.” 

“Be quiet, you. I know exactly what I meant.”

A long sigh escaped you. This exchange was going nowhere fast, and you had plans to get working on if you wanted to rub Black Hat’s godforsaken rules in his own face. 

“Alright, fine. Look, I gotta go check on Flug’s progress with the Hero-Incineration Ray,” you lied, slithering out of his hold and taking to your feet. “I’ll see you later, m’kay? Love ya, Blacky.”

You gave him a light peck on the cheek, and the eldritch simply murmured a low  _ “I know you do,”   _ beneath his breath, pretending as though he hadn’t pressed into the act of affection. He returned to his work, and you strode out of the office with a skip in your step and a mischievous grin on your face. 

_ This was going to be great!  _

**\------ ~~~ ------**

When you entered the foyer, you could hear the sound of hushed whispering coming from the kitchen, followed by the crinkling of plastic. Tiptoeing to the doorway and poking your head inside, you saw a nervous Flug looking on as 5.0.5 tried to squeeze a bag of candy hearts into an already full cabinet, practically bursting with all the contents held within. 

“Uh, what’re you two doing?” You asked, and at the sound of your voice, 5.0.5 let out a scream, using all of his force to shove the bag inside and slam the cabinet door shut behind him in an attempt to make it look like nothing was out of the usual. 

“Ah! P-Please don’t tell Black Hat!” Flug pleaded, appearing as though he was practically on the verge of cardiac arrest with how badly he was shaking now. 

“Jeez, relax, relax - both of you!” you said, walking into the kitchen. “I’m not gonna tell him anything!” 

Flug cocked his head to the side, as if trying hard to process your words. 

“Y-You’re not?” 

5.0.5 whimpered quizzically, eyebrows raising.

“Of course not! I may be in a relationship with the guy, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna report every little thing to him. We have disagreements all the time, and  _ this _ just so happens to fall under one of those disagreements.” 

At the word _ ‘this,’ _ you opened the cabinet 5.0.5 had been in moments before, and a large, pink bag of candy hearts fell onto the counter. The entire cabinet was chock-full of countless chocolates, candies, and other brightly colored goodies, and you stared at the collection in awe.

“Wow,” you began, impressed with the wide array of sweets. The mischievous smile on your face turned wicked. “You guys sure are going all out, huh?  _ Perfect _ .” 

“Uh, what exactly do you mean by  _ ‘perfect,’ _   if you don’t mind me asking?” Flug inquired, growing suspicious with your strange behavior. 

“Well, let’s just say Mr. Cranky and I had a bit of an argument over what to do for Valentine’s Day,” you explained, a faint pout painting your features as you recalled the fight you had gotten into with the eldritch horror.  

“Mr. Cranky? Heh, that’s actually kinda accurate. But wait... Black Hat  _ hates _ Valentine’s Day,” the scientist remarked, taking the giant bag into his hold and tucking it under his arm. “He’ll never celebrate it - not now, not ever!”

“Yes, I know. I just thought maybe I could change his mind if I appealed to his ego. Not even that worked,” you paused, letting out a soft sigh. “So now I’m gonna go behind his back and celebrate anyway.” 

Flug briefly choked on air, and 5.0.5 stared at you with eyes as wide as saucers. 

“Excuse me? Am I hearing you correctly?” 

“Yep, indeed you are!” You chirped, rubbing your hands together deviously. “And you two are gonna help me!” 

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as the duo exchanged a glance, before they turned back to you. 

“No. Nope. Nuh-uh. No way,” Flug tried desperately to come up with every possible way to tell you no, and 5.0.5 shook his head furiously. “(Name), you’re on your own with this one. Sorry.” 

“Oh, come on!” You groaned. “What’s the worst that could happen? It’s just a little revenge prank, nothing too serious!” 

“T-The worst that could happen?! That’s it, I think you’ve finally lost it for sure!” Flug interrupted with another outburst of protest, and if he hadn’t made his disapproval clear before, it was certainly obvious now. “You seem to forget the hierarchy the separates us all. You may be able to pull this off and walk away without punishment, but we’ll get torn to shreds! And to be honest, I prefer having my body in one piece, so  _ no _ \- I am not helping you with this, and neither is 5.0.5!” 

The doctor wrapped his arms around the bear protectively, as if trying to shield him from you and your antics. An exasperated groan rose from your lips, and you briefly pondered your options. So, Flug and 5.0.5 were off the list.  _ Great. _ That meant the only person left was… 

“Fine then, that leaves me with no other options. Flug, give me the key.” 

“What key? ...Wait-- oh no. Please, no. (Name), do I even need to explain just how bad that idea is? You know how Demencia gets on Valentine’s Day!”

“Of course I do. That’s why she’s locked up, after all. Still, I need her help if I want this to go off without a hitch.” 

“You’re playing a very dangerous game, you know.” 

“I’m fully aware of that, doc. Now, hand it over.” 

His will to protest any longer finally broke, and he let out a huff from beneath his bag, muttering something about _"getting them all killed,"_ as he fished out a ring holding a single key from the pocket of his lab-coat.

“Here, this will unlock both the door and her restraints,” he explained, reluctantly handing the keyring to you with shaky fingers. “Just  _ please _ , whatever you do, don’t - under any circumstance - let her out of your sight. God only knows what chaos would ensue if that happened.” 

“Got it! She won’t be going anywhere as long as I’m there with her!” You lied, flashing both him and 5.0.5 a reassuring smile, though neither of them looked very convinced with your confidence. 

Strolling out of the kitchen, you turned to them once more. 

“Oh yeah, just a little suggestion. If you really don’t wanna get caught, try hiding that stuff in a less obvious place,” you offered, pointing towards the open cabinet filled to the brim with sweets, chuckling when another haphazardly placed bag of sugary goodies fell from its place, landing unceremoniously on the counter with a thud.

They looked at the bag, then back at the cabinet, before nodding to each other, seeming to come to an agreement. You watched momentarily as the duo began to pull down the bags and boxes of candy and chocolates, before turning on your heels to head to your next destination. 

You momentarily took a pitstop by your room to fetch a few “incentives” for Demencia, knowing there’d be no way of controlling her unless she was given a reward in return for her obedience. 

These “incentives,” as you called them, were photographs of an unsuspecting Black Hat that you had managed to snap with your camera whenever he wasn’t looking, and were your personal way of making deals with the deranged lizard-human hybrid. 

Despite how it may have seemed, there was no rivalry between the two of you. Demencia was so obsessed with gaining Black Hat’s affection to the point that she didn’t care who else sought after it, so you decided you could make this obsession work in your favor. Whenever you wanted something done for you, all you had to do was trade photos of your lover for her services.

This came in handy with almost anything, and it took very little effort on your part, so chances are it would work the same in this situation.

When you arrived at her door, you placed your ear against the wood before doing anything else. From inside came reptilian-esque hisses and growls, followed by the clinking of metal against metal.  _ Yep, _ she was definitely still up and at it. You took a moment to brace yourself in tenacity, before knocking gently against the door.

“Hey, Dem, how’s everything going?” You asked softly, trying to keep your tone even and friendly so she wouldn’t be provoked. 

All you heard in response was a growl. 

“Okay, okay, that’s good to hear… I guess? I’m coming in now, alright?” 

A hiss this time.  

Taking a deep breath, you took out the key Flug gave you and unlocked the door, which for safety purposes was flipped so it would be locked from the outside instead of the inside. Placing a hand on the knob, you gently creaked open the door, taking in the dimly lit room. 

The hot pink walls were decorated in rock band posters and the countless photos of Black Hat that you have traded her over the course of several years. Each photo, miniscule in value, was displayed and cherished as if they were made of diamonds and gold. To say it was creepy was an understatement -  but hey, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure, you supposed.

Demencia was in the corner of the room, lying unceremoniously across her bed. Her hands were shackled in heavy metal chains behind her back, and her ankles had found themselves in a similar position, having been tied with straps of thick leather. She hissed as you approached, offering her a smile once you were next to her bed, but still a safe distance away in case she tried to reach out for a bite. 

“Heya, nice to see that you’re still holdin’ up,” you greeted, watching as her body twitched erratically. Her pupils dilated as her gaze met yours, and she bared her small fangs in a half-grin, half-snarl. 

Hmm, at least she looked sort of happy to see you. You shifted your weight to your other foot, fishing out some photos from your pocket and showing them to her. 

“I have ten pictures here with your name on them,” you began, and the woman fully succumbed to hysterics, trying to lunge forward with all her might and snatch the photographs out of your hand with her mouth, but you quickly jumped back. “ _ But! _ You have to do me a little favor in return.” 

Her face scrunched in confusion, and she looked at you curiously, finally seeming to recollect herself. 

“...Favor?” She repeated slowly, a cackle escaping her. “Favor! A favor! Hmm… what kind of favor, though?” 

You smirked. 

“It’s simple, really. All I ask is that you go fetch a few things for me: some rose bouquets, candles, decorations, stuffed animals, and some chocolates. But you have to make sure no one sees you leave or come back. Do that, and all of these--” you waved the pictures in your hand. “--are yours. Deal?”

Demencia nodded her head feverishly, and you grinned in satisfaction. If there was one thing you learned from Black Hat, it was how to conduct business, and how to conduct it well. 

You unlocked the chains restraining her arms, and then undid the leather fastenings around her ankles. Within mere moments she was back on her feet and giggling giddily like a schoolgirl, now that her promised photos were in her possession. 

You went over the plan with her again, making sure she understood her instructions well, and once you were convinced she wouldn’t muck it up, you handed her a wad of cash to cover the expenses and sent her on her way. She crawled out the window by her bedside, and you closed it behind her, keeping it unlocked so she could slip back in once she had returned from her shopping. 

You laughed joyfully to yourself, fist-bumping the air triumphantly. Oh, this was perfect! You couldn’t wait to see the look on Black Hat’s face when he finds out his authority wasn’t enough to keep you from celebrating the holiday! Revenge truly was sweet! 

Closing the door behind you upon exiting Demencia’s room, you made your way back to the eldritch’s office, slipping inside without so much as making a sound. Your grumpy, top-hatted lover was still hunched over his desk, reviewing and filling out papers. 

Tiptoeing across the office, you sat back down in the chair next to his, placing your head back on his shoulder. He turned, eyeing you expectantly. 

“Well?” He grumbled. “What of the ray?” 

“The good doctor’s progression with the ray is going smoothly. It should be done within two days’ time,” you fibbed, rolling your eyes as the eldritch huffed in response.

“Ugh, very well. I suppose that timespan is reasonable enough,” he said, signing off on another subsidiary contract and adding it to its proper pile. “Though he better pick up the pace if he doesn’t want his wages docked again.” 

“Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? He’s a very busy man, with all the deadlines he has piling up. He’s doing his best, you know,” you offered, though your comment was blatantly ignored as Black Hat returned to focusing solely on his work. 

That was Black Hat for you - impatient and always unwilling to listen to any form of reason whatsoever, but still, he was a… “decent” guy when you looked past his cranky, cruel exterior, and maybe even his heartless interior. At least, he was decent enough for you. Though, not many other would be willing to give him that much credibility, unless a gun was pointed to their head.

It wasn’t long before you found yourself bored once more, staring blankly around the room for anything that could possibly occupy your interest. However, all that greeted you were the displayed relics and trinkets of Black Hat’s nefarious deeds and conquests littering the room, which you have already spent countless hours looking at during your many times of accompanying your lover while he worked. 

Eventually, your mind traveled back to Demencia. You hope she’s doing well on the escapade you sent her on. How long has it been since she left? Ten minutes? Maybe fifteen? Twenty? You honestly forget. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take her too long to get everything she needed. All the stuff you asked for could be easily bought at Cheap-Mart for dirt-cheap, hence the name of the store. 

Your pursed your lip in worry. Maybe she went to Villain-Mart instead. God, you hope not. You doubted there would be anything remotely related to Valentine’s Day there, and you didn’t want her wasting any time looking there. Well, all you could do was put your faith in her and hope she would return soon. 

About an hour passed by before you went to check if Demencia had gotten back yet. When you entered her room, you immediately noticed that the window by her bed was wide open, but the woman in question was mysteriously nowhere to be found.

Well, that’s odd. Where could she possibly be? 

You decided to check downstairs instead, thinking that maybe she went down to the kitchen to get something to eat, as chances are she probably hadn’t eaten all day. However, the moment you stepped into the foyer, it was apparent to you that something was wrong. 

All the lights had been flicked off since you were last there, leaving the deluded, rose-tinted sunlight shining through the stained window panes as the only lightsource. Your face scrunched in confusion as you stood in the dim room. 

“Hello? Demencia?” You called, your voice echoing across the entrance hall and ebbing away, back into the silent veil. You heard no response. It was deadly quiet, as if everyone had suddenly disappeared. Your curiosity only piquing further, you walked further into the foyer, taking every step with caution. 

You hated to jump to conclusions, but it was a nasty habit you had developed recently. What if a hero had broken in? What if they kidnapped Demencia, Flug, and 5.0.5? What if you and Black Hat were next? Your stomach churned with all the horrible possibilities flashing through your mind, each one like a small bolt of lightning surging through your body.

However, when you approached the kitchen, your troubled thoughts were interrupted as the flickering of a candle caught your eye, the light of the small flame dancing across walls in your peripheral vision. 

“What the…?” 

You sped up your pace some, crossing from the kitchen into the dining room, where you were met with a great surprise. Red and pink streamers hung from the walls, and candles littered the surface of the dining table. In the center was a vase filled with roses, their petals revealed to be a deep crimson in the light of the flames. 

The sight was gorgeous, but there was something tugging at the back of your mind, telling you something was off about all this. You took a step back, ready to turn around and book it until you could figure out what was going on, but you yelped when your back collided with something that you could of sworn hadn’t been there a moment ago.

You figured that you had unknowingly shifted while taking in the scenery, but those thoughts were abandoned when the object  _ wrapped its arms around you.  _ A dark cackle next to your ear sent a shiver down your spine, and your eyes widened to the point where it felt like they were bulging out of their sockets.

“Tell me, did you honestly think for a second that you would get away with this?” The eldritch began, slowly rocking you back and forth as he cradled you in his arms. “My dear, you appear to be harboring such ignorance in that mind of yours.” 

“D-Did you know this entire time?” You asked softly, a tremble coursing throughout your body as your question was met with another chuckle in response. 

“(Name), you seem to underestimate my abilities. That, or you’ve forgotten them,” he paused to let out a hiss of cold air against the back of your neck. “From now on, try to keep in mind that I see all that happens within these walls, and do not think that a single one of your treacherous plans will ever be successful, so long as I am in control.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy belated Valentine's Day! I was planning to post this on the exact date but I got too excited and decided to post it now, so yeah that's fun. btw, writing this made me realize just how fun of a character BH is to write. like?? his entire character is an evil conundrum within and of itself but it honestly just ends up boiling down to him being evil and grumpy and i think that's beautiful.
> 
> EDIT: aaaa i forgot to add this when i first posted, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check out JustKeepWriting (aka villainous-love) on tumblr!! they're so talented and did i mention how much i love them and their writing?? because i really do!! seriously, i probably wouldn't be writing for villainous if it wasn't for them, i just can't emphasize enough how amazing they are!! 
> 
> link to their tumblr (please check them out!!): villainous-love.tumblr.com/


End file.
